"So, because I charged this guy so much per hour, he had to give me one of his kids."

Published in 1912 Glasgow, "Lawyers' merriments."  Its subjects are "Law--Humor" and "Lawyers--Humor."  Doesn't say whether it's comprised of anecdotes or one-liners but I wonder if this classic made the cut (cuz it sounds like the kind of cynicism that might've been circling even a century ago):  How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

"Quit with that nonsense and listen up, kid!," said the ill-tempered klavier.

Published in 1964 New Jersey, a children's book by Jacob Eisenberg (born 1894) on the history of the piano and related instruments: "Let me help you: My ancestors and I: Personified piano speaks its heart as it pleads with little playing fingers to let me help you."

Nothing goes better with a long-winded title than a tongue-twisting pseudonym...

Written in 1641 London by Stephen Marshall, Edmund Calamy and others using a pen name comprised of their initials--Smectymnuus: "An answer to a booke entituled 'An Humble Remonstrance' in which the originall of liturgy episcopacy is discussed, and quæres propounded concerning both, the parity of bishops and presbyters in scripture demonstrated, the occasion of their imparity in antiquity discovered, the disparity of the ancient and our moderne bishops manifested, the antiquity of ruling elders in the church vindicated, the prelaticall church bownded."

For those prone to weepiness on the courts...

1947, Susan Noel's "Tennis Without Tears."

Going postal...

Translated from German via Google Translate, a title from 1767 Germany:  "New collection of post-holes and messengers of the finest residential and commercial city in Europe, including beygefugten post-taxes, travel routes, and other regulations concerning the post-beings."

The spoils of war never tend to include livestock anymore....

From 1647 and reported by William More: "Very good nevves [news] from Ireland : of three great victories obtained against the rebels."

And the victories are as follows: "I, By the Lord Inchequin, who hath taken 200 horse[s], 60 prisoners, his lordship[']s own brother, 3000 cows, 8000 sheep, and 100 armes; II, By Sir Charles Coote, who kil[le]d 300 upon the place, took 200 prisoners, and much prey; III, By Major Generall Jones, who hath taken 8000 cattle, and five garrisons from the rebels, with much provisions."